


The Dangling Conversation

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: On and On [12]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Reconciliation Sex, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 04:22:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10454844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: “Don’t veer into someone else’s lane with half-ass information that will likely cause an accident with multiple injuries.”





	

“So I think 2 weeks ago, Ed and I got back together.”

“What?” Nathan stopped with the dumpling halfway to his mouth. “Two weeks ago? What?”

“Well I'm not sure exactly.” Liv said.

“How can you not be sure?”

“It’s complicated, OK? Maybe I'm the one complicating it, as usual.”

“OK.” Nathan ate the dumpling. “Tell me what's going on and I’ll help. Maybe together we can simplify it.”

“When Ed got out of the hospital, Noah and I went to visit him. We had a long talk; we said we loved each other. He reminded me that no matter what kind of relationship we were in that he’d always have my back, and then we kissed.”

“That sounds like a nice reconciliation to me. I've seen the way he looks at you, Liv…the fire still burns.”

“Nothing has happened since.” She said.

“How do you mean?”

“Well, he's come to see Noah on Thursdays of course. We’ve done a few family things and I've had a lot of fun. He kisses me hello and goodbye but…”

“Ahh, he hasn’t taken you to his bedchamber.” Nathan finished her thought.

“Is that horrible? I mean, if we’re back together shouldn’t he be dying to get me in bed? All I can think is that he's getting it elsewhere.”

“Ooh,” Nathan leaned back in his chair. “Ooh, scandalous.”

“Now is not the time to be the adorable British sidekick.” Liv said.

“Welsh sidekick, and there is always time for that.”

“Nath…”

“Look, Captain Tucker has a nice pair of arms but he's pushing 60. I can see him being a mack but he isn't juggling two women.”

“But there was Michelle, and I know they were sleeping together.”

“Was being the operative word.” Nathan said.

“I have no idea what kind of relationship they really had. This is my issue with friends with benefits. The benefits may stop but they could remain friends. How am I supposed to be OK with that?”

“By staying in your lane.”

“What does that mean? Am I supposed to know what that means?” Liv sipped her iced tea. 

She'd been dying to talk about this for the past two weeks and she knew that Nathan was her best bet. Melinda would've been good as well since the doctor always landed on the side of rational thought, which Liv wasn’t always capable of when emotionally invested. But Melinda was so busy lately. So here she was with Nathan and he was giving her advice that she didn’t even understand. That wasn’t helping.

“In layman’s terms, actually Urban Dictionary terms, staying in your lane means minding your business. Don’t veer into someone else’s lane with half-ass information that will likely cause an accident with multiple injuries.”

“Is that really what it means?” Liv pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose. She'd heard the term before amongst some of the younger staff but she stayed out of it. She was fine being over 50 and not pretending she was cool.

“Yeah.” Nathan nodded.

“That’s actually interesting; I like that.”

“Thank AAVE. You can thank them for everything.”

“Who is AAVE?” she asked.

“Oh my god, Liv, oh my god. AAVE means African-American Vernacular English, which is the scholarly way to say slang.”

“It’s not like I was automatically supposed to know that, OK? I mean, was I? You know what…let's get back to my issue. I can't lunch forever.”

“Right.” Nathan ate another dumpling. “So, stay in your lane. Whatever happened between Ed and Michelle is in the past and it’s their business. If you have concerns about where you two stand you have to keep the focus on you and him, not some other woman who has nothing to do with it. Trust me because I'm speaking from experience.”

“Do I just ask him?”

“Not about Michelle. You ask him where you two stand. Tell him after what you discussed, things that were said, you thought you were a couple again. That pleased you but now you're confused because you two haven’t gotten intimately reacquainted and you’d like to. There are only two answers that Ed could give. He’ll say he wasn’t trying to be a couple again or right, yeah, it’s time for a proper shag.”

“What if it’s the former?” Liv asked.

“I've seen the way he looks at you.” Nathan replied. “I'm doubting it will be.”

“How does he look at me?”

Liv had heard people say that more than once, both the first time she and Ed were together and now. She didn’t quite know what that meant. She knew what it was supposed to mean but what exactly did his face look like? Over the past two weeks she finally allowed herself to look back at pictures of them from when they were first a couple. Ed’s smile was so soft and his eyes warm. The way he held her close in some of the selfies was so intimate…no one would ever mistake that he wasn't in love. There were so many pictures she'd taken of him just sleeping, as if Liv was afraid he would disappear. He hadn’t until she stepped on his one hand hanging on the ledge and peeled his fingers back on the other.

“The man loves you Olivia and he's not going to hurt you by cavorting around with another woman. It’s been three and a half years so I'm sure if he didn’t want this then he would've just stayed with Michelle. Why are you so worried about her anyway; I'm sure Ed has other friends.”

“He didn’t sleep with any of them…I don’t think.”

“If it bothers you so much then you should talk to him about it. But it’s not as if you don’t know how sex works and you probably really don’t want to hear it. Because that conversation is going to have to be no holds barred; no bullshit. You're going to have to own and share your discomfort. Also own that his response doesn’t have to exist to coddle your feelings even though he loves you. The hard truth will always be better than fluffy lies. Whatever you do, please make sure you get the D before talking about Michelle in any context. I can assure you that neither of you will be in the mood after.”

“The D?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Dick, darling. I'm talking about the dick.”

“Oh God, of course you are, right of course.” Liv laughed some and gave the OK sign with her fingers. “One day it won't be so damn complicated, Ed and me.”

“End it right now. You established that you love each other, great, now let each other know what you need to thrive in a healthy relationship. People aren’t psychic and no matter how many relationships they’ve been in there is no general blueprint. This time around won't even be the same as the first time…you’ve both changed. If you don’t communicate, have the easy and difficult conversations, it’s going to crumble. Just talk.”

“But get the D first?”

“Damn right, I'm a firm believer in both.”

“Really? Even though you're ace?”

“Well I'm not adverse to sex altogether, it just takes some different things to get my motor running. If Ed Tucker loved me, let me just say I'd be heading to the bookstore to get the latest edition of 101 Ways to Make Love without Coitus.”

“Is that a real book?” Liv grabbed one of the last dumplings from the takeout box.

“Oh how I wish.” Nathan laughed. “Hey, promise me when you and Tucker get it together that you won't disappear on me. I mean a little while is OK, and totally understandable…the honeymoon phase is important. Just not forever, OK?”

“You work two floors down. I see you almost daily.”

“Liv, I'm serious.” He ate the last dumpling.

“Me too.” She smiled. “You and me are fine, understood? Making and maintaining solid and mutually beneficial friendships with people who have never been cops is important. I want my whole life to be more fulfilling, not just my love life. You fulfill me, Nathan.”

“Aww, oh my god, that is so sweet.”

“Shut up.” Liv laughed.

“I will, as soon as I bask in your adoration for just a bit longer.”

***

“Hey.” He stood and smiled as she walked into the breakfast spot.

“C'mere, you.”

He wrapped his arms around her and they held on for a little while. Ed would never stop enjoying inhaling the scent of her; the woman smelled amazing. She smiled as he chastely kissed her lips.

“You're looking good, Tucker.” After letting go, she gave his face a healthy pat before sitting down at the table. “I was worried about the hospital thing.”

“Thanks for the get well card and plant. I promise to do my best not to kill him. I've named him Campbell Scott.”

“Oh, I love that. I wanted to visit but honestly…”

“You don’t have to apologize.” He shook his head. “I know how weird things would've been.”

“They wouldn’t have been for me but I can only speak for myself. I knew Sean and Cait would take care of you.”

“Thanks for meeting me this morning. I know how busy you are.”

“I brushed off my office hours for this.” Michelle said. “You know how I feel about breakfast.”

“I do.”

When the server approached, Ed smiled and greeted her by name. Then he ordered the spinach egg white omelet with turkey bacon. Michelle wanted the cheddar grits and turkey sausage. She usually never trust grits in a hipster place like this but they were pretty decent from here. Someone from Harlem must have been in the kitchen. It was why she and Ed ever ate there in the first place. They weren't big on hipster places even though this was close to Barnard where she taught.

“Are you feeling better?” she asked.

“Much better, thank you. I've seen my doctor three times since leaving the hospital and my numbers have been great. I've made some changes in my life and diet to prevent something like this from happening again.”

“Was it possible for you to be fitter, Tucker?”

“I was slacking. I'm back to jogging and swimming twice a week. Ronin loves that I can take him along for both. Ron and I take a rowing class on Friday mornings. I've cut red meat out of my life at least until the end of the year. If I eat any meat its chicken or fish.”

“Or turkey bacon.” Michelle smiled.

“Right. I'm eating a lot of fruits, veggies, and having smoothies for lunch. Ron recommended a smoothie recipe book and I like it. Good produce can go bad so quickly but with smoothies you can use everything.”

“Are we talking about stitch and bitch Ron?” Michelle asked as she ordered a cup of coffee. Ed had orange juice.

“Yes. About 5 years ago his partner, I mean his husband, had a heart attack. They made a vow to change their lives for the better and they did. Ron hates that everything about the change seems so hipster…I have to agree.”

“I find it adorable that you managed to find and cultivate a friendship with the only fiftysomething, black, gay curmudgeon in Manhattan. That is so you.”

“He is not a curmudgeon, just set in his ways. We get along so great.”

“Is he a former cop?” Michelle asked, thank the server when her coffee came.

“No, he was an accountant for years. His husband is 12 years older than him and used to be a tenured professor at Columbia. He took an early retirement to care for him after the heart attack. It made their relationship even more successful.”

“Speaking of relationships…”

“O-K.”

“Cait tells me that you and Olivia are back together. And before you get the peeved crinkle in your forehead, we do not regularly discuss Olivia. Cait mentioned it in passing when we had tea after one of my seminars last week.”

“Is she pissed at me?” Ed asked. 

“If by pissed you means thinks you hung the moon, then yes, absolutely. Is she right?”

“I did not hang the moon.” He shook his head.

“Tucker…”

“We are, mostly.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means we love each other, support each other, and want to be a strong family unit with Noah, but also acknowledge that Liv has a way to go on her therapy journey. There could still be tough times ahead.”

“OK.” Michelle nodded, sampling her coffee. She added more French vanilla creamer. “Are you OK with that?”

“I want Liv to make healing her top priority. I also want her to understand that all of us walk and chew gum. You don’t have to give up something good because it’s hard or to make room for God knows what else. Ideally you can have a little of it all.”

“Nothing about you is little, Ed.”

He cleared his throat, looking down at his hands as his cheeks colored.

“Chelly…”

“You know I wish you nothing but the best. You have a sweet kid and you love Olivia. I don’t know how it’s going to work out for the two of you but I'm always going to want what you want.”

“And I didn’t…I didn’t mess you up?” he asked.

“Oh, sweetness, no.” she reached over and put her hand on top of his. The server arrived with their breakfast but had the wherewithal and technique to work around the moment. “Danielle Steel novels messed me up. _Toy Story 3_ messed me up. Not reading Audre Lorde until I was almost 30 messed me up. You are a gift, Ed Tucker. 

“You are witty, handsome, masculine but not fragile, and have the ability to expand your mind at an age where most people have stopped for so long it’s atrophied. Not to mention that you are very nice in bed. But I think of our sex like dessert…always happy when that tray comes by but just as fulfilled when it doesn’t. I would never let dessert ruin the meal we made together. I know, you're old school and that’s adorable…but I'm good. I promise.”

“I wouldn’t let it either.” Ed let go of the breath he was holding as he cut into his omelet. “And I know you're really busy and that Liv and Noah need me but I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won't, I cross my heart. Now tell me what mostly back together means. That sounds like a _One Life to Live_ story arc waiting to happen.”

“And you're OK with me working this out with you?” he asked.

“Mmm hmm.” Michelle nodded and she meant it. 

Part of her was really curious about Olivia Benson, how could she not be. The woman had been a ghost in their relationship since they met. Ed still missed her and Noah; had done his best to move on with life as anyone would after a break up. Even while going forward there were still parts of him standing very still. She was back in his life now and he had another chance. 

Michelle cared about Ed as a person, as her friend. She wanted this happiness for him and would help him through it. If she saw yellow or red flags, she would respectfully point them out. That’s what friends were supposed to do. She was pretty sure he trusted her enough to listen.

“I honestly think she’s scared to death that I'm still involved with you.”

“Where would she get that idea?” Michelle sampled the grits. They were as fantastic as always.

“Liv has difficulty letting things go. She saw you once, she knew we were friends but also intimate. You became an obstacle. Not you, as the brilliant, attractive, capable woman you are but…”

“I get it. So why don’t you talk to her about it? Are you afraid she won't believe you?”

“I'm afraid it’s going to be one of the hardest conversations we've ever had and I don’t want to ruin the bliss. The bliss that isn't even there, by the way, since all we've done in the past two weeks is hug and kiss goodnight. It’s like a brick wall between us but we’re holding hands through a hole. We can't climb through it though.”

“God, you two are so dramatic.” Michelle rolled her eyes and smiled. “Is there a part of you, or Liv, or both of you that gets off on the infinite drama of it all? Talk about me dammit, just talk about me honestly.”

“I want to.” Ed said. “I'm just so afraid that Liv will spend the rest of forever comparing herself to you. Also, she and Cait used to be so close and now you two are and that bothers her.”

“God, her self-confidence really is in the crapper, isn't it?”

“Sometimes. But she's amazing too and she knows that I love her so much but she's having difficulty letting go of the unhealthy cycles of the past.”

“I guess you have to stick on the Hazmat suit and jump in with both feet. Be honest with her, love her, do your best to make her feel both loved and capable of standing on her own two feet. Also, a bit of advice...get the goodies before having the talk. You both deserve it.”

“I want her so much I can hardly see straight.” Ed sighed. “I can't be pushy though, not that I ever have been. I just have to tread lightly.”

“The PTSD?” Michelle asked. She knew a little something about that, both her Aunt and brother suffered from it.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “She's never been uncomfortable with me, intimately, and I never want to freak her out.”

“Well tomorrow is your day with Noah. I'm sure you'll know if it’s right or not.”

“I may let her lead and I’ll follow.”

“Uh huh, cuz that’s gone well so far. She may feel like you haven’t approached her yet cuz you're still bumping uglies with your last intimate partner.”

“Oh…shit.”

“I’ll give you one piece of advice and gracefully exit from the sex life of Ed Tucker and Olivia Benson. If she's made no move by the time you're leaving, just put a little extra oomph into your goodnight kiss. Hold her a little tighter, rub her a little lower…her reaction will tell you everything you need to know.”

“I can do that.” Ed nodded.

“I'm aware.”

“Cute.”

“I know you are, but what am I?” Michelle licked out her tongue.

Ed watched her, trying to pretend that he wasn’t, as she ate her breakfast. He knew Michelle well enough to know that she was aware of this. He had no right for her to like him as much as she did, especially for how he acted after Liv came back into his life. He was so afraid of losing Michelle altogether that he did a bunch of things that should've made him lose Michelle altogether. But she was still there, listening, caring, and actually dispensing advice about Liv. He'd done so little to deserve someone so wonderful.

“We don’t have much time together.” Ed sighed and sipped his orange juice. “I want you to hog the rest of the conversation.”

“Be careful what you wish for.”

“C'mon, enthrall me. I mean it. I know you can.”

“Well, alright; you’ve pulled my leg. I think I can do that. Let me tell you about this research I'm doing for the new book.”

***

“It’s getting late so I'm going to head home.” Ed walked down the short hallway from the bathroom to the living room. Liv was still sitting on the couch where they’d been watching an episode of _Dateline_ a little while before.

“Is it really?” she turned to look at him.

“It’s close to ten. I still have to get back to Hell’s Kitchen and walk the dog. Gone are the days of Sean picking up my slack being a bad doggie dad. I have my rowing class in the morning as well.”

“You're not a bad doggie dad.” Liv smiled when Ed came to stand in front of her. “Are you sure you need to go?”

“You have your nightly rituals too. That alarm is going to go off tomorrow and then Noah is going to be awake and raring to go.”

“I should've fully retired.” She said, holding out her hands and letting him pull her up from the couch.

“You probably would've died from boredom.” Ed said.

“Are you bored?” her hand in his, they walked to the front door together.

“No, but I was a different cop than you were. I was also a little older.”

“Not that much older. Are we going to see you this weekend?”

“Sunday brunch and then maybe a movie.” He replied. “I've been telling Noah we could go rock climbing or zip lining at the place on the Upper West Side…Cait knows the name but I always forget.”

“He would be thrilled. So, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Liv sighed as Ed kissed her lips. It was so chaste, it made her want to cry. He took a step or two away from her and then came back. This time his kiss was passionate. He pulled her closer to him, his hands slipping down to cup her ass. Liv melted against him and moaned into his mouth. He felt her body come alive, like a light switch turned on, as she slipped her arms around his neck. He still planned to take his cues from her but it was nice to know that he wasn’t the only one on fire.

“I'm actually going to have to insist that you stay.” Liv was a bit breathless when their lips finally came apart.

“Insist?” he raised an eyebrow, lips quirked into a little smile.

“I don’t want you to go. I know that I can't keep you all night but I can for a little while.”

“What do you want me for?” he stroked her cheek.

“Ed, if you don’t make love to me I am going to explode. I've waited long enough.”

“I want you too, baby.”

“But…?” she bit her lip. This was it, he was going to reject her. He'd never rejected her before. Liv felt like she might throw up. Not to mention he hadn’t called her baby in so long it made her knees weak. She might throw up and then faint.

“No buts.” Ed shook his head. “I just wasn’t sure if…I was following your cues. I know we both meant what we said a few weeks ago but I didn’t plan to be pushy about sex. I figured if you were ready for the next level that you would tell me.”

“Well I'm telling you.” She said. “And I think we've been on the next level since 2016.”

“I'm not going to disagree with you.”

“Let's go to the bedroom.”

Ed nodded and let her lead him there. He let go of the reins; would see how far Liv wanted to take the ride. She closed the bedroom door, leaned on it and called him to her with her finger. He was there in a heartbeat, lifting the lightweight sweater over her head to reveal a pretty blue bra.

“I know you don’t have too long,” she was unbuttoning his shirt. “But I want it nice and slow, Tucker.”

“For such a worthwhile endeavor, I’ll make the time. Do you have condoms?”

“Didn’t you just get a full sexual health screening that you passed with flying colors?” Liv asked. She ducked under his arm and started making her way over to the bed. Ed was right behind her. He was a bit mesmerized by the slow progression of her Levi’s skinny jeans. Liv toyed with the button and then zipper.

“I did.” He nodded.

“And it’s just you and me, right?”

There was the $64,000 question.

“Just you and me, baby.”

“So come to bed, Captain.” Liv slipped the jeans down her legs and off her feet. “No clothes.”

Ed was sure there was a time in his life when he undressed faster but couldn’t recall it at the moment. His shirt already undone, he pushed it onto the carpet. Then his Hanes tee shirt and khakis followed it. As Liv held the blanket open for him, Ed made his way wearing only boxers and socks. The night was rainy and chilly; probably better to keep the socks on.

“I love you.” He held her close, covering her clavicle in kisses. 

There were scars there and he suddenly remembered she'd been shot three times. Her body wouldn’t even be the same as it was post-Lewis, with the cuts, scars, and cigarette burns. Ed remembered how delicate and reverent he was when he touched Liv for the very first time, though he'd been so horny that he was sure he would burst. Nice to know some things hadn’t changed.

Ed wanted her naked. He wanted to take his time indulging in every inch of her. Kissing, licking, touching, nibbling, sucking; using every sense for his pleasure and for hers. He wanted to hear her soft, satisfied moans and her low growls. Liv was so turned on and Ed knew it. The sound of her ecstasy was as familiar as his own.

“You feel so good, Liv.” He whispered in her ear after kissing her breathless. “I've missed you so much.”

“I wanna wake the neighbors.” She grinned, spreading her thighs and pulling his body between them. “Now.”

“We can't wake Noah.” Ed warned, knowing it was only a matter of moments before he lost all decorum. She was already working his boxers down. “I need you to be good.”

“I need _you_ to be good.” Liv stroked him and loved the way he shivered against her.

“OK, OK,” he laughed a bit. “I can do this. We can do this.”

“I love you, Ed.”

“I love you more.” He said it and surely meant it.

Then the talking stopped. They were both too far gone to converse any longer. And while it might be embarrassing if their lovemaking woke their son, it would just be something they’d deal with in the morning. Because Liv couldn’t quite manage to hold back three and a half years of pent up emotions and sexual desire. And Ed had changed some in bed, which was a sweet surprise. 

His stamina hadn’t changed though, and she cried out his name in the darkness before he finally filled her and collapsed on top of her. It was going to be so hard to let him get dressed and leave. Liv planned to hold onto him, and this moment, for as long as she could. There would be more but there was nothing like the first…again.

***


End file.
